Misunderstanding

I believe I have some matters to clarify in this post.
Things haven't been well for me for the recent period.
I lost my job and I didn't manage to get this relationship working.
I understand you take your future and put me way below it.
But you need to know that, I been there for you, at times where your family dejected you.
I been there for as long as I could remembered.

Remember one time where your elder sister insist in you paying your phone bills, your mum refused to help . I borrowed you the last sum of money I had, without a single hesitation.

You wanted short gate away and I couldn't afford a trip to Bangkok so we compromised to a short trip to Batam. I forked out, every single cents I could find from our piggy bank and with whatever money I left in my own pockets.

Pushing me aside for all the recent misunderstanding doesn't do me any good. I felt lost and disbelieved.

I know I have a female best friend which have often been the limelight of our argument, I minimise our conversation, I stopped meeting her for alone meals and mahjong session is always a table of 4 person. There was never an alone time between me and her. You have your insecurities, I gave in by compromising to a friendship I treasured.

Mahjong, it have always been a favourite past time of mine. You will wrong when you said I still go mahjong when I am still owing them money, I paid up, every single cent of the past debts and its with your approval that I go for my games.

Upcoming Genting trip, you said I just wanted to visit the casino. Putting the entertainment part side, I really wanted to spend time with you some quality time for all the bad time we had. AND I just wanted to eat the beef noodles and takoyaki we missed out the another time.

Mayday concert, worst misunderstanding ever. You said I enjoyed myself. Do you know that that ticket come with an consequence of being a loss of someone else loved one? Wilson Grandma passed on to the other side of the world that's why he couldn't make it for the concert and I took his place for it.

It definitely my loss for everything that happened. But why can't you think of all the good things I did for you instead of pinpointing my bad points. I was worried for your safety so I send you home almost every time we meet up, I used my last cash to help you tide through so that you don't need to worry about seeing your family attitude, I bought you small gift once in awhile, I took up Mobile Legend for you ( even though I became addicted myself), I booked movie but had to forsake it because you had last minute plans with your colleagues.

I am sure I have some good points you can take it as a comparison for my bad pointers.

I guess things ended the way I didn't expected it to be. But, that is just how fate planned for my romance life. I am thankful you came and left an impact and left.

I didn't actually saved your number because I memoried it by heart. I was shock and happy at the same time I received a text from you. I am sorry for everything I done and for the outrageous request my sister gave to you. It will be good if we message on a mutual basis such as how are you and not " please don't ss our conversation and send to other". I understand once bitten , twice shy . But you really don't have to remind me during every few part of our message.

Till now , I still regretted for believing my friends more than I believe you .
Till now, I still sincerely wish for you to be happy and to forgive me.

I regret hurting you till the very end but please I am really held up with the trouble my sister caused. you should probably understand better since you been through it before.

I appreciate your well concern towards me, but if you decide not to believe in me , just don't reply to my messages. It doesn't make a difference if you just gonna interrogate me like some criminal.

I thought you understand me well enough . But when I told you I was drugged, the reply I gotten was "No surprise ". What's the differences between you and the others.

I guess that is the impression I left in you. Just throw your anger and hatred at me . I can still take it. My mind is filled with Sucidial thoughts. It really doesn't make any differences . 

It time to say goodbye

It just feel different  when I started my day without any good morning messages, no texts throughout the day. I guess love is a vicious cycle . Strangers , friends , Bgr, strangers.

I thought it was just a no string attached relationship, but the hard truth is I fell in love with you because you give me a reason to smile and something to look forward to .

Life is full of ups and down. One moment you are mine , next you are not.
It's time to say goodbye.
I lost a companion , I lost a friend and I lost a partner in games.

As much as I hated the feeling of someone getting out of your life, I can't do without having to love or be loved by someone.

Silly , one more broken heart . 

Twist of events

Started the day off with a big smile on my face. Even though it was just a short 2 min of good morning, hugged and leaving for our individual appointments, I was just so glad the day started off like this.

Life happen, food helps

I doubt anyone still remember this space where I confided most of my feelings to, I assume it should be a safe place for me to do so now.

Half a year have passed since it happened. You must have graduated and holding onto a job now while falling in love with a new man.

For me, I just got off from my National debts. Still loving bread, still loving pizza.
Tidied my room for a bit and found the cards you made throughout the period we were together.
I guess its finally time to bury everything. Took out a pair of scissors and shredded it.
Those cards that once meant the most to me, that once conveyed your love to me , now lies in the bin, buried with the other disposable.

Someone one asked me , " Ben, what if she decide to come back to you "
I replied " She must be a fool if she does,she got better choices out there "
You should be moving on pretty well in your life now, I no longer need to worry about you.

Recently. a girl came into my life, I gotten into a forbidden relationship and yet it was fun at the same time.

You

I believe your adapting well to the life without me in It . 

I have no idea what your doing now , whether you graduated or found a job, gotten a new love life ? But all in all, I just want to thank you for being acceptance for the past . 

You who deserve better , chose and lead a simple life with me. 

Me who deserve you lesser, hurt you till the very end. 

I am sorry for all the things I said that, those that makes you unworthy and those that made you cry. 

You been the best and a girl like you should deserve Better. 

Someone who can make you smile like you used to and someone who can love you more than what I can ever offer to you. 

I hope the next girl I met, don't ever write me cards. It contains the sweetest and yet painful memories. 

A smile that struggled through tears

Sometimes it will still hit me hard on my head, reminding me of the things you like and dislikes , eating spicy food while I go for my black pepper with cheese burger . But it comes to a point where I know I am unimportant to your life any longer.

Pain built greater walls but it also allowed me to grow.

These months , I realise the important of my alone time, chilling at some cafe with a cup of Ice Caramel Frapp, hanging out with friends, party and drink responsibility.

Sometimes I miss being in love but now I am just too afraid to start all over again.
I came across many girls , " don't worry I will be different " " let's try ".

I sugar coat my words now , I give them the sweet talk they needed till the point I don't even know if I meant any single words I said.

I guess I am at the turning point now where , being alone is much appreciated and dancin with the devil soul at party's.